Stevie Nicks

Conflicted--Sometimes It's a Productive Place

i've been stressed about silly things of late. So, I took some time off the internet. It's a good thing. I'm not 100% comfortable with the public thing and never have been. Honestly, I don't know how anyone is. Sometimes I start to feel like a giant idiot and then I have to shut down for a while. This extra anxiety normally coincides with hitting the middle of a book project. There's nothing I can do about that particular worry--other than push through it. As a result, I tend to spread it around due to a ridiculous idea that I might find a little problem that I can then resolve. Silly, I know. At least I'm aware of it. I'm a work in progress. Just like everyone else. In the good news department, I've just hit 45,000 words. Yep. The start of the middle. Here's where I slow down and take inventory and er... twitch about everything. LOL. It's good to know one's process, isn't it?

I went to see Zero Dark Thirty with my sister, yesterday. Originally, I didn't want to see the film. Jingoism* is a big turn-off for me. It's because reality just isn't like that--a football game where 100% good battles 100% evil. Real life is far messier and more complicated.** Anyway, I was all set to avoid this one, and then I saw Jessica Chastain on The Daily Show. Her interview convinced me that it wouldn't be what I was worried it would be: a violent flag-waving yahoo fest. Instead, it was a thoughtful examination of a complex situation. Personally, I don't believe that torture is ever necessary. I've studied enough psychology and enough about negative reinforcement to understand that such things aren't reliable. They can't be. Human beings just aren't that simple. I'm not happy with the Bush Administration for a large number of reasons, but one of the biggest is due to the bull shit games they played regarding torture. They did everything they denied doing.*** It was nice to see that presented in a straight-forward way. Here it is. The line was crossed. Let's not kid ourselves. This was not a good thing. Nor did it ultimately resolve the problem. Instead, it created more problems. Our best hope is that it was the least bad response to a very bad situation. I'm also glad it didn't revel in the death of a human being--no matter the evil that that human being was responsible for. I'm glad that the film didn't present the end as the ultimate happy ever after resolution. The film left the audience with feeling of incompletion because the situation is incomplete and always will be when you demand an eye for an eye.**** My sister nailed it when the first thing she said was, "What about the children? It was done in front of them. Won't they want revenge?" xactly. I think it's important to remember: the whole f-ing situation is a big damned mess and continues to be. Anyway, it doesn't surprise me that Katheryn Bigelow did a brilliant job of directing. As for the writing, the story was strangely distant, but I think in this case it needed to be. It would've been too difficult to watch otherwise--not that it wasn't difficult as it was. I also wasn't aware that a woman was largely responsible for finding Osama Bin Laden. The next time someone tells me that women have never done anything historically important and this is why they don't get much credit, I'm pointing to this.
* In general, I'm not a fan of heavy-handed nationalism.
** The only reason history looks so simple is because it's been edited. All the doubt and uncertainty is erased by the victors. The more recent history is, the more muddied it is because that editing process isn't complete.
*** And I do believe W should've been held accountable.
**** Mind you, there are rare occasions when there isn't another answer. I'm just glad I'm not in the position to have to make those kinds of decisions because I don't believe anyone is ever certain they've done the right thing in those circumstances--no matter what the history books say. (And I guess now we're clear on why Superman is my least favorite super hero.)
I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way about blogging and existing on the internet. Of course, it's significantly different for you, what with having people actually read your words, BUT. Still. Putting your guts on display is a weird thing. I guess, for me, it's a good exercise in self-reflection. Anyway--SYMPATHY! (for you)

In a sort of related matter, I wanted to thank you for sharing two particular links a couple weeks ago (the ones about writing naked and writing what you know in an emotional sense); they made me realize just what the hel's been wrong with my short stories lately.
thank you so much. it feels good to not be the only one. as for the links, i'm very happy that you got anything useful out of reading my blog.